East side Jargon about home,family,sports,fun,and blogging

Location: T-Town, Alabama, United States

Retired enjoy bloging

Wednesday, June 23, 2004

Hi gang, hope every one had a good hump day. We had rain on and off all day. I did get my walk in and that is about it. Tonight is it; my wife and her mother are heading to Omaha Nebraska in the morning. It looks like they will be in rain most of the way. Not much going on. But I received this today. Sort of shows what a mess we have made of things.

"And the Lord spoke to Noah and said, "In one
year, I am going to make it
rain and cover the whole earth with water until
all flesh is destroyed. I
want you to save the righteous people and two of
every kind of living
on the earth. Therefore, I am commanding you to
build an Ark".

In a flash of lightning, God delivered the
specifications for an Ark. In
fear and trembling, Noah took the plans and
agreed to build the Ark.
"Remember" said the Lord, "You must complete the
Ark and bring everything
aboard in one year".

Exactly one year later, fierce storm clouds
covered the earth and all the
seas of the earth went into a tumult. The Lord
saw Noah was sitting in
front yard weeping.

"Noah," he shouted. Where is the Ark?

"Lord, please forgive me!" cried Noah. I did my
best but there were big
problems. First I had to get a permit for
construction and your plans did
not comply with the codes. I had to hire an
engineering firm and redraw
the plans. Then I got into a fight with
Occupational Health & Safety
Commission over whether or not the Ark needed a
fire sprinkler system and
flotation devices.

Then my neighbor objected, claiming I was
violating zoning ordinances by
building the Ark in my front yard, so I had to
lodge a Rezoning
with the City Council & it is now with the Land
& Environment Court.

I had problems getting enough wood for the Ark,
because there was a ban on
cutting down trees to protect the Kookaburra. I
finally convinced the
Dept. of Conservation & Land Management that I
needed the wood to save the
kookaburras. However, National Parks & Wildlife
won't let me catch any
kookaburras,so,no kookaburras. The carpenters
formed a Union and went out
on strike. I had to negotiate with the Dept. of
Industrial Relations
before anyone would pick up a saw or a hammer.
Now, I have 16 carpenters
on the Ark, but still no kookaburras.

When I started rounding up the other animals, I
got sued by the RSPCA.
They objected to me only taking two of each kind
aboard. Just when I got
the suit dismissed, the EPA notified me that I
could not complete the Ark
without filing an Environmental Impact Statement
on Your proposed flood..
They didn't take very kindly to the idea that
they had no jurisdiction
the conduct of the Creator of the universe.
Then the Dept. of Land and
Water Conservation demanded a map of the
proposed new flood plain. I sent
them a complete set of Mel ways & Gregory's.

Right now, I am trying to resolve a complaint
filed with the Equal
Employment Opportunity Commission that I am
practicing discrimination by
not taking godless, unbelieving people aboard!
The Australian Taxation
Office has seized my assets, claiming I'm
building the Ark in
preparation to flee the country to avoid paying
taxes. I also have to
for the registration of my ABN for the GST.

I just got notice from the Waterways Authority
that I owe them some kind
user tax and that I failed to register the Ark
as a "recreational water
craft." I also need a Boat Drivers License but
they are debating about
to classify the craft.

I am getting continual visits from Green peace,
the RSPCA, Work cover, the
Sheriff's Office and numerous other government
departments. Finally, the
Australian Council for Civil Liberties got the
courts to issue an
injunction against further construction of the
Ark, saying that since God
is flooding the earth, it is a religious event
and therefore

I really don't think I can finish the Ark for
another 5 or 6 years Noah

The sky began to clear, the sun began to shine
and the seas calmed. A
rainbow arched across the sky. Noah looked up
hopefully - "You mean you
are not going to destroy the earth Lord?"

"No," said the Lord sadly. "I don't have to.
The bureaucracy has beaten
me to it! I'll send a drought instead."

Thinking People? Think ethics,
integrity and professionalism.
Thought for the day, we can’t work at peace part time!

Word for the day; Sinuate.


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